I want to talk a bit about behaviour.
It is a big topic because with some kids on the spectrum you can see many different types of things, from good to bad to violent, aggressive and more. It can be very challenging dealing with certain behaviours and believe me we have dealt with quite a few different ones.
With Cole we haven’t dealt with much. He has a couple little things we notice but not much and nothing huge. I do remember when he was quite young, still in a stroller, we took him to Ripley’s Aquarium in Toronto and I remember when it was time to leave he had a complete meltdown. At the time I don’t think he was diagnosed yet or if he was it was very new to us. He was crying and screaming. I now think it was most likely from all the noise and over stimulation from the whole day. But I do remember thinking this is embarrassing, these other adults around must be thinking, “look at that brat! Crying because he can’t get his way.”
One main thing Cole does is he takes things to heart very easily and also takes things seriously. If you try to talk to him about it he immediately gets upset, either tears or anger. But then again that can be a typical pre teen behaviour too I’m sure haha.
Ryan on the other hand has had many behaviours growing up. One big one he used to do a lot was bang his head on things. His forehead. If he was upset or angry he would do it very hard and he went through phases where he’d sometimes have a bruise because he did it so much.
He would hit it on the wall, the floor or on your head, and trust me, head butts don’t feel so good. Even when he wasn’t upset he would do it.
We learned a bit later it was sensory seeking. He wanted that feeling of the pressure. We would sometimes just put our hand there and let him do it so he wasn’t hurting himself. He went through phases where he stopped and wouldn’t do it for a period of time but then would start right back up again. I know he got AJ one time so bad he gave him a black eye.
Another behaviour he went through was throwing things. He would sometimes throw water bottles, he threw my mother’s phone once at the tv and broke the tv because it hit the screen. This was out of frustration because he wanted a particular show and it was back when he couldn’t quite communicate yet. So my mother didn’t know what he wanted and he wasn’t happy waiting for her to figure it out.
He also threw old tablets and broke a couple when he’d get upset. I’m sure you are thinking why would you get him another one? But unless you have a child on the spectrum you do not understand the need. Sometimes he just needs it to regulate, sometimes we need him to be on it for us to regulate and calm down or or get 10 minutes to do dishes or something.
He has thrown a water bottle or two at school before, thankfully that behaviour has stopped more as he got older and understood it is not ok.
He has his moments but it’s rare.
One behaviour that started last year which was new to us, was biting. Most often when he was upset or frustrated. Biting other people, sometimes himself. This aggressive behaviour was very upsetting to us because we of course didn’t want him hurting other people or himself. He got Cole once or twice, along with us and then it started at school.
It was a rough start to the school year. He bit his TA, they even had to wear protective sleeves. Do you know how hard it is to know that your child is the reason someone, who cares for him at school, got hurt? It was very rough for us.
It was hard for me because they are my coworkers and I know they didn’t want to involve me but I am there so it couldn’t typically be avoided. He had to be sent home because they can’t have him hurting someone at school, and he would get very upset, it was an awful cycle. We didn’t know if he even understood why he was being sent home but there had to be
consequences for his actions.
There was a week at one point where it happened so much that I ended up dreading them coming to talk to me because I knew what it was about, I ended up crying out of frustration. It was very stressful. There were many meetings trying to help him and trying to put things in place to help the behaviours and explore what we could change or try.
We eventually started medication. We ended up trying at least 3 different kinds before finding something that worked for him. Thankfully once he started it things got much better. At the point when his behaviours began to improve, it was close to the half way point in the year. This past school year was better for him, he was so much more successful and the aggressive behaviours were gone.
We will eventually try to take him off of the medication to see if the behaviours are still there because he is getting older and I am hoping it is something he will grow out of on his own. We do notice him understanding things more and knowing what is right and what is wrong.
He definitely still has his silly behaviours and will sometimes still have a complete meltdown in public over something that has upset him. I try my hardest not to worry what people around me are thinking, especially when he is not just a little toddler anymore.
I can’t help but sometimes know that they have to be thinking “What a brat. Thank god my kid isn’t like that” or looking at me with pity because they do know.
But I’ll take my little “brat” and his infectious smile, his “hi mom” every time he sees me and his endless hugs any day and be grateful he is mine.
