If you haven’t had a chance yet to read my last two articles, you can click here to get an introduction to my family.
I want to tell you how I learned the hard way about elopement risk.
I will start this story off by telling you what our backyard looks like. It backs on to woods, there is a trail and a stream down the hill from us. Fences on both sides but there was none in the back, just a lot of bushes and trees so it made kind of a natural fence.
We have a big garage and behind it, a big bent tree that we built a treehouse on for the boys. On one side of the yard, you can walk behind the neighbours fence and access the street, which ends in a cul-de-sac.
When Ryan was about 3, he wasn’t talking yet much, just some words here and there. One day, we were in the backyard playing. There is a swing set and climbing dome and the treehouse, so plenty of things to keep him busy.
He loved to go in the treehouse and behind the garage, run around it and come back out in front.
At one point I was sitting on the step (my first mistake!) watching him. I glanced down at my phone (my second mistake!) and when I looked back up I did not see him.
I was fully expecting him to come out from behind the garage at any second as I figured he was doing one of his laps. When he didn’t come, I walked to the treehouse to see if he was in there.
Nothing.
I walked around thinking he’s in front of it.
He wasn’t there either.
The swings?
No Ryan.
The dome?
No Ryan.
With increasing panic, I ran into the front yard.
No Ryan.
I looked down the road to the cul-de-sac and then up the road in the opposite direction.
No Ryan.
At this point, I’m screaming his name over and over,
“RYAN!!!”
I realized he’s not going to answer me, he can’t!
This is when I started to panic.
Instant tears came and I thought to myself “I’ve lost my son, he’s gone”
My next thought was “oh no he went down the hill into the stream or trail and I won’t find him.”
I must have ran from the front to the back three times, hoping he would be there. He never was.
I called my parents, who live only 5 minutes away, and screamed, “I can’t find Ryan, he’s gone out of the yard!!” My dad said he was coming and hung up.
I ran to the back of the fences next door and behind two houses. My neighbours were not home but the house next to them had two people in the backyard. I asked if they had seen a little boy go by, he can’t talk, he has Autism I told them and I remember them saying “Oh no, no we haven’t seen him.”
I was frantic. This all felt like 10 minutes and I’m sure it was only about 3 or 4.
I was trying to decide if I should run down to the cul-de-sac or up the street. I ran down my driveway and looked again down the road and there at the very bottom, about four houses down, just standing by a sewer drain, I spotted his little blue sweater.
I ran to him crying. He was happily standing there dropping rocks into the drain with no idea the panic he had just caused. I grabbed him and hugged him and picked him up and started walking up the road with him.
As I got back home my dad had arrived so happy to see that I had found him. I told him everything that had just happened and he helped me calm down.
I was so overwhelmed. I felt like an awful mom for not watching him properly, for looking at my phone, for how close I came to losing him. My husband of course was very understanding, he knew none of this was intentional and that I was already blaming myself enough.
After everything settled that evening and we were calm and talking we realized we had to fence in the back area of our yard. In addition to following him around constantly, we needed it to be a safe place for him to play and the current backyard was not. We had more fencing installed and it has helped, however, for those that know Ryan, as he got older he realized he can still climb the fence if he wants to. Thankfully for the most part, it has done it’s job of keeping him in the yard.
We definitely kept a closer eye on him after that and know he had no concept of how dangerous leaving the yard without us knowing is.
We use the term “flight risk” you can also say “elope.” This is to describe a kid who will just run away from you, from their house, from the playground, etc. They may do this for fun, for you to chase them, for many reasons and always unaware of the dangers around.
Ryan has since run from us at the local playground and almost made it to the road before I grabbed him He ran at a summer concert event and almost made it on stage! Daddy was a track star that day and caught him just before he became the star of the show!
We are always on edge with him, constantly making sure he won’t, or can’t, get anywhere he’s not supposed to. Of course as he has gotten older, things are a bit better as we can explain and have a conversation with him about dangers and no running, etc. But as for him understanding completely, he’s not there yet. It will still happen, he will still run at school and whenever he just seems to decide today is the day.
I am so grateful I found him that day and it turned out ok but will never forget the panic and terror I felt.
I hope I never have to feel that way again
